When Personality Types Emerge

Like so many mommas with their babies, John and I have our own little routine. Of course, it can vary day to day, but we fit our necessities in each day. One of those necessities, especially since it's summer, is a trip to the playground. John is now at that fun age where he can toddle around on his own, exploring every nook and cranny he can reach. We live directly across the street from the park, so its an easy walk to it. 

Well a few days ago, John and I made our way over to the playground a little later than we normally do. Sleep has been evading our household lately (thanks teeth!). I noticed another stroller parked at "our" end of the playground, and I was honestly just not in the mood to socialize. So John and I headed to the opposite side of the playground. We climbed up the stairs of the jungle gym, and John began to explore his surroundings. 

Suddenly, a pink and blonde blur darted towards us. A polka dotted bow and watermelon romper waddled her way up towards us. Her mom shyly followed, saying her apologies. 

"She is just obsessed with babies, anytime she sees one she has to go say hi," she almost groaned. Maybe this momma wasn't in the mood to socialize either ^_^ I laughed and welcomed her and the little girl up. The girl was just a tiny bit bigger than John, and had a sunny disposition. She got about 1 inch from John's face, and said, "HI HI HIIIIII!" I just had to laugh, "well don't you just have a little extrovert!" As I said this, John pancakes himself to my body and curled his fists around my shirt...and started shaking his head "no". Well...looks like I have quite the little introvert! 

The little watermelon girl, then ran to her momma, and started dragging her up the stairs, babbling something sweet. Her mom threw her head back, "I do not need to see them!!" I asked her "oh boy, what does she want to show you?" The mom turned a deep shade of red (we've all been there!), and quietly said "his toes". And sure enough, a little pink body then slammed tummy down onto the ground, put her face directly John's feet, pointed a chubby finger, and said "TOE!" 

I think I see a lot of pedicures in this girl's future ;) 

John curled his feet up and tucked then securely under him. Eyebrows scrunched, he looked at me. Momma...what is this? I don't know, bubby, you just gotta roll with it. If your future wife is anything like me (hi Dr. Pimple Popper fans?), your gonna be poked and prodded like this for most of your adult life!! Get used to it now!

The little girl then proceeded to gently tug on John's arm and say "go" as she tried to guide him up towards the big big big slide. 

Go go go!

John just shook his head no no no! 

I could see he was getting overwhelmed, so I gracefully bowed out and thanked them for a nice playtime. John huffed as we walked away, as if to say, I don't know what that was...but I don't want to do it again.

For now, I'll enjoy the fact that his comfort is me. I'll enjoy him clinging so tightly to my chest and arms whenever any stranger approaches, because I know it won't last. But I sure will enjoy someday telling him the story of the extroverted watermelon blondie who loved his toes.

 

When the Going Gets Tough: My Story Part 7

**Just a reminder that all the names in my blog except for Joe's have been changed to respect their identities**

I met with Deandra at a local mexican restaurant. We seemed to click immediately; the conversation just flowed between us. It didnt take long before we agreed this was the perfect situation for us both. I would move in on an agreed upon date. I was a little nervous because she didn't offer to show me the house before moving in, but I was just desperate to get my own place. I went back to Shelby's confident and so happy to be telling them I had a date for moving out of their home. The husband was absolutely happy to see me go, I could see the relief on his face as soon as I announced I had found a place!

Soon, the date arrived for me to move in. Deandra already had a bed and a dresser for me, which just made this deal that much sweeter. It was a cute little 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom home. The bathroom I'd be using was a guest bathroom, but since it was just us 2, it was all mine! That first night's sleep was the best I'd had in ages. I had a home of my very own. 

There wasn't an official lease. Just a typed piece of paper stating my rent amount and my refundable security deposit amount. We agreed we would each buy our own food and toiletries. I slowly started to buy decorations for my room to make it my own. Things were going amazingly well, and I was just so happy! 

But wait! There's more! Things continually got better. It came about that Joe would be coming to America for a course at Quantico. He would be 9 hours away from me for 4 weeks! Joe and I also decided to get a dog. That is just how sure we were that this was the real deal for us. Big things were happening in our life together! 

Those 4 weeks of getting to see Joe were absolutely amazing. It reaffirmed for both of us that we were meant for each other. I even got to bring our brand new puppy, Bear, to meet Joe before he went back to Israel. It was all so magical...well almost all. My job was not happy that I was gone for all 4 weekends to see Joe. I got a text from my office manager (not Shelby) one of the weekends saying how disappointed she was in me for leaving the office in such a difficult position of being 1 person short. I stood my ground and said that I valued this time with Joe more. When I got back, the manager and Shelby had a sit down meeting with me and served up some consequences for taking those 4 weekends off--all which were approved by the way! I was shocked, surprised and downright hurt. The supportive staff I had worked for were now being very stubborn and not empathetic to what was happening with Joe being in Israel. So I began a search for another job. And by gosh, I found one! I handed in my two weeks' notice, and sadly, it cost me the relationship with my boss.

That new job is one I still miss, to this day. I became a chiropractic assistant for a doctor literally one mile from the house I lived in. The hours were amazing, the pay was great, my boss and coworker were the best people to work with. I would have stayed there forever, honestly. But I finally found my own independent groove there in South Carolina. I felt independent and secure for the first time in a very long time. It was not to last, sadly. 

Things took... a weird turn. 

Deandra and I started having some issues. I won't air all the dirty laundry here. Deandra actually reached out to me this year, 5 years after this all happened, and apologized for everything she did. But things got weird, uncomfortable, and I truly felt unsafe in that house. Bear and I stayed in my room. It got to the point where I would go in and out through my window because I didn't feel comfortable going through the front door if she was home. I needed out, but couldn't find affordable options anywhere! That's where God showed up yet again.

Joe moved to Virginia permanently. 

My wonderful boss encouraged me...well he basically amicably fired me (thank you Dr. D!!!!!!), and told me to get the heck out of South Carolina. And I sure did. I ran out of that house faster than you can say lickity split. Things with Deandra got even worse, again, I won't go into detail because frankly I'd rather not relive all of that. But I got out!! I made it!

I got another chiropractic assisting job in Virginia, found Joe, Bear and I an apartment, and wham bam thank you ma'am...here we are. Another dog, a baby, and another move under our belt. 

Life got dicey. It got weird. It got wonderful. I learned so much about God. About His character. About His forgiveness. About His promises. I learned a lot about me! I get things done. When the going gets tough, I get tougher. I figure things out. Looking back on this story, I'm glad it happened. Not all of it, some bits I could do without. But as a whole though, it helped shape who I am today. 

A wife. A momma. A full, fledged follower of Jesus.

Movement: My Story Part 6

I didn't hesitate.

I told Tanner that I was in love with Joe. I'll never forget his response. He laughed and said "oh that's normal to have a little crush, it's okay!" You could have knocked me over with a feather. I reiterated, "No this is real. I'm in love with Joe." Tanner still was incredulous and insisted this was a phase.

I slept on the couch that night, needing to figure out what the heck I was going to do. Where was I to go? Financially, I could not afford the apartments in that area by myself. I didn't know what to do, but I needed to leave immediately. 

That morning driving to work, God spoke so clearly to me. I was to return to the apartment on my lunch break, stuff my tiny Fiat full of my belongings, and go. 

But where, God? I thought. Then it became clear. My boss, Shelby.

I got to work, and I went to my boss's office, like I had so many times before. There must have been an urgency in my appearance, because she sat up straight and said "what happened?" 

I told her, and she swooped in to help me. She gave me an extra long lunch to go get my things, and said she had a room ready for me. So that's what I did. While Tanner was at work, I went into that apartment and grabbed my things, and left a note for Tanner. And I walked out. I think I told the leasing office i was leaving, and figured out what they needed from me to get me off the lease. They worked with me on that; I give all credit to God! 

After work, I went home with Shelby. I remember being so tired and also so expectant for what God was going to do. Joe was stressed that he wasn't there to help me, but so thankful I was safe. I didn't even think to ask if Shelby had notified her family that they would be having a guest...indefinitely! 

When I arrived, I took my suitcase inside and got settled in the guest room. I came back out and Shelby's husband and daughter was home..and it was her husband's birthday.

Talk about awkward. 

I quietly sat at dinner, celebrating a man whom I had never even met. After dinner we talked a out expectations. I felt so uncomfortable--not by anything they did--it was just clear I was an unexpected visitor. I began the hunt for a new home immediately. 

Over the next 2 weeks, I spent all my time at work or at the gym, trying to stay out of the family's hair as much as possible. My coworkers were so supportive and they even helped me house hunt! But it wasn't all great, as Tanner began to harass me at work. He even went as far as to lie to me, saying that his dog took my sudden disappearance so hard that it put her in a coma and she was at the vet. I called the vet and they were very confused and said the dog hadn't been to the vet since the last time I took her! It was very aggravating, and I began to see a lot about Tanner that I hadn't allowed myself to see before. 

One day, my coworker came flying over to my desk saying she may have found the perfect place. It was a room for rent at a house 10 minutes from work, and miracle of miracles, it was within my price range! I texted the girl renting the room, and we decided to meet for dinner. 

I was elated! I may have found my home...MY home...at last!

Darings and Denial: My Story Part 5

 Joe stayed for 3 days.

3 days and I was his; that's all it took. But here's the thing about me: I am about as stubborn as an ear-less mule. I figured Joe thought I was just another drop in the ocean, and so I released him back to the Marine Corps. I watched him drive away and out of my life forever (so I thought!), and drove to work with a film of tears covering my corneas. 

I arrived at work, and went straight to my boss's office to fill her in on my glorious weekend. She smirked at me the whole time I was talking. 

"Alyssa, you love this guy!"

"What!? Nooo, no. He's just a really good guy, a good friend." 

She laughed. The rest of my co workers concurred with my boss. I was smitten, it seemed, to everyone around me. I accepted that Joe was a memory, a lovely memory I could hold tightly at night. But I couldn't get my heart to stop beating so purposefully. I couldn't stop smiling when his name popped into my thoughts. But most of all, I couldn't stop replaying our conversations in my head...the way he brought my relationship with Jesus back into the forefront of my heart. 

I was surprised in the next few days. Joe reached out to me to check in and see how I was doing. I was elated!! Again, spurring my coworkers to remind me of my twitterpated self. I will keep the sweet conversations between Joe and myself private, but he kept talking to my heart. He kept tapping away at the parts of me that had been closed off for so long. Before I knew it, Joe was my best friend. We told each other absolutely everything. Talking to him was the first thing I did in the morning, and the last thing I did at night. 

But then one day in January, Joe had some news. He was being sent over seas to Israel for a year. I honestly thought this meant the end. I'd never see him again. I cried for days, mourning what would never be. But he kept messaging me. I began to write him letters...I am a romantic afterall! That's when it hit me.

I am in love with him. I don't write to just anyone!! I wrote him a letter pouring my heart out to him...

Then I ripped it up and threw it away! 

I wrote another letter, one that was filled with the usual content. But at the end...I just had to say something to him. I said:

"Joe, do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had met me before Tanner did?"

I stamped it and mailed it before I chickened out. It took weeks for him to get the letter. But then one afternoon, he texted me. I saw it was a very long message, which is not typical of Joe, so I went to the bathroom to read it. 

He loved me. 

He'd known since the moment I opened the door. He knew I was to be his wife, he just hadn't known how. 

I broke into tears. He loved me. My whole world changed in .01 seconds. 

I went to my boss immediately. I told her she was right. She cried with me! I was so happy, I didn't know what to do with myself other than just cry. Then reality came crashing down.

Tanner?? What do I do? Where do I go? 

I have met my soulmate. He is across the ocean...but I've met him!! Now I have to dare to be with him.