My journey at Disney is coming to a close. And Reality just checked in on me. No, it didn't literally text me, but I have begun my research for returning to school, and I am now blogging so I can further procrastinate and look productive instead of like the nervous wreck that I actually am.
No one, other than a DCP alumni, can know the frantic emotions coursing through me at this moment... working for Disney for two semesters has been so great, but it was literally a break from real life. I didn't have the normal day to day worries. I HAVEN'T DONE HOMEWORK IN OVER A YEAR PEOPLE. If I didn't journal and blog and sign autographs for Mickey, Minnie, Donald, etc., I probably wouldn't remember how to hold a pen.
Oh boy... there was this picture I found on the Internet that sums up exactly how I am feeling.
THIS IS ME. LITERALLY ME.
That horrifying purple monster is the real world coming back to get me. But you know what?
I am so ready. I am nervous, but I am ready.
I am excited to get on with my life. I have made so many friends and memories here, for which i am so grateful.
Thanksgiving is tomorrow (although my roommates and I celebrated yesterday), and this adventure is something I will forever mention at the table each year. I am thankful for my beautiful time here at Disney.
I just can't wait to go back home. So in a way, that purple "Obligations' guy is really a welcome sight.
I overheard a conversation tonight that made me pause and think. A man and a woman were discussing their opinions of people. It's a very general topic, but they narrowed it down to something we can all discuss: being nice.
It's funny how every human out there views themselves as nice. Really. Think about it. If you ask someone, "do you consider yourself a nice person?" they probably will not say "ha no I get a kick out of being mean". They may be sarcastic, but I really don't think anyone thinks themselves as rude or narcissistic. But can't you think of someone right now who you consider to be mean? At least five people pop into my head.
The fact of the matter is is that individuals worlds revolve around that individual. My world revolves around me. Your world revolves around you. It is the only point of view we have. Only we see the little details we encounter. And sometimes, in those details, we are mean to someone. It may be intentional. It may not be.
The woman I was listening to told the man, "I am done being nice. I am a rung on so many people's ladders. I am a person they contact when only it's convenient. Once they get what they want out of me, they move on."
I'm pretty sure everyone can relate to this woman. We all think of ourselves like that at some point. I know I have felt like that recently. But I don't think that should justify ceasing to be kind. Doesn't that make you drop to the level of those you consider 'mean'? What makes them mean? I believe it's those who ignore you. It makes you feel so unwanted, and that is the worst feeling in the world to me. Nothing makes my heart bleed more than feeling discarded and unwanted.
There is a hard truth to be learned here: I am not important to everyone.
That's just how it is. I am not everyone's priority. And because of that, some people seem 'mean'. But if I turn the tables, there are people who are not my priority. I don't hate them. I don't even dislike them... they just are not important to me. Plain and simple. You have people in your life like that. Go through your friends list on Facebook, and tell me that's not true.... you can't do it.
Unfortunately, things get mixed up sometimes. You may care about someone deeply... you may send them a text everyday asking how they are doing and try to stay involved in their lives, but all you get in response is "I'm good." You consider them important, but they don't view you as important. That hurts. Trust me, I know.
Luckily, priorities can be rearranged. My suggestion? Delete the text message thread. You don't have to be drastic and cut them out of your life completely. But maybe unfollow them on Facebook, but still keep them as a friend. Stop checking your phone for a message from them. It's not coming. It is such a hard fact to grasp, that you aren't popping into their head as often as they are in yours. But guess what?
You are on someone else's mind.
Don't stop being nice. Don't conform to society's mindset of looking out for #1. You do not have to make everyone a priority. But I do think we should recognize when it's time to move on from someone. I think we need to be aware, so we can spare ourselves some anxiety.
You are not a rung on someone's ladder. You are valuable. Don't hang on to a friendship/relationship that doesn't have you as a priority.
Today my sweet Yorkie, Gracie, passed away. She was 14. It's funny how that number sounds so old in that context, yet if I were talking about a human, it would be tragically young. So yes, she lived a normal life expectancy.
But I want her here with me still.
You see, Gracie was not like other dogs. No, really. She was human with too much fur. She understood things that normal dogs would not be able to. She had her own chair at our dinner table, I am almost hesitant to admit. But it was more than that.
She was kind. Gracie actually saved my life. I will not go into detail, but six years ago Gracie walked into my bedroom, and I will never forget the look she gave me. Her soft brown eyes would not break eye contact with my empty, blue eyes. That day she said more to me than any other human was able. For that, I will be forever grateful to you, my sweet Gracie.
Gracie, I will always, always miss you. You never forgot me no matter how long I was away from home, whether it be two weeks due to college, or six months while I am working at Disney. You never forgot me. And I will never forget you. Thank you for those sweet 14 years of unconditional love. I am so thankful you are no longer in any pain. Good-bye, McDonald's puppy. Thank you for walking into my life, and I am so sorry that I couldn't be there when you had to slip out of it.
I am currently sitting in Panera, writing in my "doodles and thoughts" notebook. And this huge, mega-ultra-DINGDING epiphany hit me. And someone needs to hear this. Some young woman out there needs to here this today.
To whoever you are, whoever needs this, like I did today, you are not a healer. So often people are drawn to people like us, people who radiate kindness and the desire to give hugs and ease pain. There's so much pain out there, isn't there? So many questions, so much fear of the unknown. And I think that you have someone, or some people, in your life that are holding on to you for dear life, and it's causing you to weaken.
Listen... You know Elmer's glue? The stuff we all used as a kid. That glue is cheap. It won't hold an object together forever. We are Elmer's glue, okay? We can give temporary relief for a short amount of time. We can put a bandaid on the wound that really requires surgery. But eventually we will dissolve. We will fall off. We are not healers.
Jesus Christ is the super glue; He is the stitches. Only He has the ability to mend things that are severely broken. He has the power to heal the worst wounds. Only He has the power to do those things.
People with kind, sympathetic hearts... We feel other's pain. Sometimes in the literal sense. When someone I am close to is suffering from heartache, my heart aches with them. I can feel the hurt they are going through. And I want to solve their problem. But I can't.
You can't.
Please don't let yourself drown and lose you sense of who you are in Christ. If you try to fill His role in someone's life.. You will be so miserable. I've tried to do that multiple times. It isn't worth it.
Please get this out there. In a world full of hearts that need to be healed, it will not help if we try to do God's job. We can still be kind and offer our hugs and prayers... But do no try to heal or change. It won't work.
To those who are hurting and seeking relief, run to Jesus. Not science. Not theology. Run to Jesus. He is the only One who can give you the rest you so desperately crave.
