Priorities

I overheard a conversation tonight that made me pause and think. A man and a woman were discussing their opinions of people. It's a very general topic, but they narrowed it down to something we can all discuss: being nice.

It's funny how every human out there views themselves as nice. Really. Think about it. If you ask someone, "do you consider yourself a nice person?" they probably will not say "ha no I get a kick out of being mean". They may be sarcastic, but I really don't think anyone thinks themselves as rude or narcissistic. But can't you think of someone right now who you consider to be mean? At least five people pop into my head. 

The fact of the matter is is that individuals worlds revolve around that individual. My world revolves around me. Your world revolves around you. It is the only point of view we have. Only we see the little details we encounter. And sometimes, in those details, we are mean to someone. It may be intentional. It may not be. 

The woman I was listening to told the man, "I am done being nice. I am a rung on so many people's ladders. I am a person they contact when only it's convenient. Once they get what they want out of me, they move on." 

I'm pretty sure everyone can relate to this woman. We all think of ourselves like that at some point. I know I have felt like that recently. But I don't think that should justify ceasing to be kind. Doesn't that make you drop to the level of those you consider 'mean'? What makes them mean? I believe it's those who ignore you. It makes you feel so unwanted, and that is the worst feeling in the world to me. Nothing makes my heart bleed more than feeling discarded and unwanted. 

There is a hard truth to be learned here: I am not important to everyone. 

That's just how it is. I am not everyone's priority. And because of that, some people seem 'mean'. But if I turn the tables, there are people who are not my priority. I don't hate them. I don't even dislike them... they just are not important to me. Plain and simple. You have people in your life like that. Go through your friends list on Facebook, and tell me that's not true.... you can't do it. 

Unfortunately, things get mixed up sometimes. You may care about someone deeply... you may send them a text everyday asking how they are doing and try to stay involved in their lives, but all you get in response is "I'm good." You consider them important, but they don't view you as important. That hurts. Trust me, I know. 

Luckily, priorities can be rearranged. My suggestion? Delete the text message thread. You don't have to be drastic and cut them out of your life completely. But maybe unfollow them on Facebook, but still keep them as a friend. Stop checking your phone for a message from them. It's not coming. It is such a hard fact to grasp, that you aren't popping into their head as often as they are in yours. But guess what?

You are on someone else's mind. 

Don't stop being nice. Don't conform to society's mindset of looking out for #1. You do not have to make everyone a priority. But I do think we should recognize when it's time to move on from someone. I think we need to be aware, so we can spare ourselves some anxiety. 

You are not a rung on someone's ladder. You are valuable. Don't hang on to a friendship/relationship that doesn't have you as a priority.