Part 5: A Journey I Never Wanted

Today was an overall success. John breathed on his own for 2 hours, through his trach, and his oxygen levels stayed great. His artery IV was removed as they don't see a need for it anymore! So yay!!

And then I stupidly get on social media, and I see everyone taking their babies to the pumpkin patches...and then these things that made today good disappear. 

October is my favorite month. Not because it's my birthday month. But because it's beautiful. Who doesn't love October? 

Crunchy leaves.

Apple donuts.

Pumpkin patches.

Corn mazes.

Vibrant colors.

Sweater weather.

I had dreams of taking John to pick out his first pumpkin. We'd paint it together. He'd try his first apple cider donut. He'd pick his first apple off a tree. He'd ride a hay ride. 

I know the Bible promises to restore what was lost. I'm holding on to that. But how can this be restored? I will never ever get this time, this age, this stage of life with John back. I guess there are things I will just never understand. 

Life keeps turning for the world. But my world stopped turning. And it won't turn until this is over.